


Fool's Gold

by BlueMoonHound



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bickering, Coming Out, Depression, Dinner Parties, Eating Disorders, F/M, Getting Together, Implied Politics, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Incest, Teasing, The Bee Movie - Freeform, ecto incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-12 16:44:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19233082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound
Summary: John is extended an invitation to a dinner party with some old friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [forsyte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsyte/gifts).



> The rest of this fic will update while Pswap is still anonymous!! It is finished now, I wanted to give the serial experience.

It's sunny out.

The sun is blinding. John refuses to wear sunglasses for a whole number of reasons, including Dave, his not-sun-glasses, not having a reason to, the way the bright outdoor light turns wan filtered through the windows of his house, Dave, how easy sunglasses get all scratched up (keys in pocket, strifes, sleep with them smashed up against his face, stepped on) not really wanting to go outside, this whole train of thought has gotten away from him, and Dave.

John hates sunny days.

This, it occurs to him, has little to do with sunglasses.

He's on his porch anyway, outside, under the now tattered seventeenth-eighteenth-nineteenth-twentieth birthday sign, which blows in a gentle breeze that makes him shiver, despite himself. He feels stretched thin. Worn out. He wishes it were night. Some nights, when no one is around and he can be alone, he likes to go for walks through the wooded village that has sprung up in the absence of the suburbs around his house. Not often, because lack of sleep and forgetting to eat often leave him dizzy, shaky, and the other day he- well, he needs a new phone, or at least a new screen, actually, that might not be a problem...

He uninstalled snapchat the other day, near 3 AM, then reinstalled it. Then uninstalled it. Then got up to get a drink of water and tripped over something hard on the floor and laid there for twenty minutes with something else jabbing into his side. Then got up. And reinstalled it. And responded to a snapchat from Rose.

_ I broke my phone. _

She seems okay. His friends seem okay.

He didn't get water. He just went back to his bed and laid down. His pillow is still covered in crumbs from who knows when but he doesn't care enough to wash it.

He goes back inside and stares at his bedroom. He probably tripped on his laptop, he thinks, because it's poking out of the clothes that serve as his secondary rug now, looking dangerous. He should pick up. Four years of poor housekeeping and his house is an absolute disaster. At least he never has to take care of kids. At least he doesn't care that much if he trips over his own disgusting flotsam and faceplants into oblivion.

Not that it would matter. He's god tier.

John steps over a particularly large lump of laundry and makes his way in the general direction of the stairs, not bothering to close the patio door. Rose put that door there, and despite many of the house edits disappearing with the end of Sburb, the game must have noticed how often he uses it, because it remains. He does close his bedroom door behind him, though, and walks down the stairs in the direction of the kitchen.

The house is very different these days. Empty, for one. The smell of cake doesn't drift from the kitchen. He misses his dad, with a deep sort of ache in his chest, but he doesn't let him stop him from wandering past the dishes piled in the sink and then grabbing a block of cheese out of the fridge. His fridge still works. That's something that always surprises him, despite knowing it beforehand. He feels like it's a bit old for a fridge.

He cuts cheese off the block with a butterknife and puts it straight into his mouth.

His phone buzzes.

John continues to eat cheese. Fuck it, he hasn't eaten in like twenty four hours. The phone can wait. He remembers, vaguely, that there's something important... but no. He pushes his glasses further up his nose and slumps down into the chair he's sitting at. If he keeps eating cheese this way, he's sure he's going to end up eating plastic too.

Eh. Eh, Eh.

His phone buzzes again.

Who the fuck is--

Again.

Fuck it. Fine.

He puts down the cheese, feeling queasy, and picks up his phone, staring over his glasses at the hopelessly cracked screen. Through the sections of black and static, he sees Dave's bright red text.

Dave: so hey

Dave: answer me you dumb fuck

Dave: john

Dave: i have karkat and jade here right now and they agree that you should answer your texts as soon as you have access to a device that facilitates such response thats not my words but you get what i mean

Dave: john are you asleep

Dave: johnold egbert

Dave: john

Dave: john

John: okay you can stop now! im here i guess!!

John: christ.

Dave: oh shit hes here

Dave: in the flesh alive before me. its a miracle from god. john is messaging me back. the heavens may open at any minute and from them obama will descend with a fresh ass prophecy about how fucking crazy it is that john just answered back to a text for the first time in like twenty years. a decade. two millenia. did you die? were you asleep?

John: i was eating cheese.

Dave: for four years

John: yes dave, of course i was eating cheese for four years. what do you want?

Dave: to invite you to dinner

John: you

John: why?

Dave: it was jades idea

John: why does jade want to invite me to dinner?

Dave: fuck if i know

John: but youre the one texting me. is there an ulterior motive

Dave: okay work with me

Dave: it is possible

Dave: maybe

Dave: that karkat also wants to see you

Dave: or maybe even me

Dave: it has been literal years my bro. my man. my friend. it has been forever. it has been since before the creation of the universe almost literally. my dude. my guy. the creation of the universe. why do you shirk us like this. why do you do this to us.

John: "shirk?"

John: i dont know man i just wanna be alone.

John: can you respect that maybe?

Dave: can you respect maybe not being alone for an evening? were getting out the gold plates

Dave: gold

Dave: come on john come out of your hole for half an hour maybe

Dave: well make whatever. well make cake. fillet mignon. mac n cheese. whatever whets your tastenodules.

John: wow you really have been hanging out with karkat for seven years.

Dave: yes i have

John: i just dont know. i dont want to leave my house. youre talking about going to another world for an afternoon.

Dave: its literally so easy youve done this a whole bunch of times before what are you even talking about like you CREATED this universe you dont get to be all ono scawwy about transporting like ten feet to the left in the realm of your own goddamn creation

Dave: like you are even more of a god than i am youre like the friendleader or whatever you initiated this whole debacle you cant just be like hmm idk seems scary i dont want to leave my house bad idea

John: dave i

Dave: like what sort of wimp out is that

John: dave i dont want to stay home because im scared to go to fucking alternia land! christ on a bycicle. i just dont have the energy.

Dave: oh

Dave: wait really

Dave: that seems like

Dave: maybe that having a night out with friends would give you some of that go juice right

John: i dont think thats how it works. i think sleep would give me some go juice

Dave: sometimes sleep makes you more tired man idk thats just how it goes

Dave: have you been sleeping a lot

John: no not really

Dave: okay

Dave: you should come anyway

John: i dont know. youre not putting up a very compelling argument

Dave: maybe not

John: anyway im having lunch bye

Dave: joooooohn

John closes his phone and goes back to eating cheese. He ignores the buzzes for about half an hour before picking it up again. A wall of red text rears its ugly head, and he opts to simply close out of Dave's chat. He doesn't want to argue about what is or isn't good for him. That is never how he wants to spend his afternoon. Actually, he isn't really sure what time of day it is. It was bright out a little bit ago, but the windows are shuttered, and time tends to stretch and bend when he's not really paying attention to it.

This time, however, there is a message from Jade. And a message from Karkat. No, it's a group chat with Dave, Jade and Karkat, but Dave hasn't said anything. He opens it up.

Jade: Hey john! I miss you and I thought I'd say!

Jade: We want you to come over because we haven't seen you in a while! We think it would be fun!

Karkat: ALSO LIKE YOU KEEP YOURSELF COOPED UP IN THAT FUCKING HIVE LIKE THAT AND NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AND ONE OF THESE DAYS YOURE GOING TO GET EARTH HUMAN SUN SCURVY OR WHATEVER THAT THING IS. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR GANDERBULBS ON SOME FRESH SCENERY

Jade: its called vitamin D deficiency, karkat.

Karkat: FUCK IF I CARE

John: hey guys!

Jade: John!!

Karkat: HEY FUCKFACE

John: I didnt realize you all cared so much. i thought it was just a scheme of daves.

John: im still not sure though. i dont know. i feel like id be imposing.

Jade: Were literally all inviting you, john. that's not imposing! That's being polite!

John: i mean i guess thats a way to look at that.

John: well

John: ill think about it

John: what time were you planning on having this thing

Jade: its like five, so like, maybe an hour? I don't know what your schedule is like over there, i always forget the timezone things...

John: im only an hour behind you i think

John: not that that would matter because the party would still be in an hour

Karkat: ITS NOT A PARTY IS IT

Karkat: I ASKED FOR A FOOD RELATED SOCIAL GATHERING NOT A PARTY

Jade: yeah that's called a dinner party karkat.

Karkat: BULLSHIT

John: well uh

John: I guess ill maybe see you in an hour

Jade: Yeah! Sounds good!

John: alright

John: see you

Karkat: BYE JOHN

Jade: Byeee!!

He closes his text window.

Maybe he will go for a walk.

Actually, he's not sure he has any clean laundry. He doesn't really want to subject his shit on his friends. Maybe he does? He drags himself up from the couch, wandering back towards his bedroom. The stairs bend a little under his weight, creaking loud in his ears. Should he be doing this? Should he even care? They deserve better than him and, no, but they're asking him to go, but he doesn't really understand why, but it feels wrong to say no. That's-- really what it comes down to, in the end. It's been a decade or so and he can no longer say no to these people. They're too important to him. Too close to his good memories.

He shoves open his closet door and peers inside. He doesn't have a lot of clothes in here still, but there's a reasonably wrinkle free button down hanging down in the back, shoved to the side. It's a rather plain dark blue thing, which is probably why he wasn't reaching for it in the past, but he's surprised to find it anyway, because plain clothes don't make his eyes hurt. He decides to wear it and a pair of reasonably clean jeans that he digs out of a reasonably clean pile on his floor.

He looks...

Well, he looks uncomfortable. But he doesn't really think he's going to make himself look comfortable if he can't look comfortable in his own clothes. He washes his face and runs a hand through his hair. good enough.

Gold plates.

He's not sure how much of the stuff Dave said was actually honest and true facts. He's never heard of them having gold plates, or indeed any flatware that extends beyond cardboard. Actually, it seems a little bit weird for Jade, Dave, or karkat to even know that gold plates exist. Then, it occurs to him that he never actually checked to make sure that the gold plates his dad keeps in the china cabinet are still there. He doesn't think that they would have stolen his dad's plates, though.

John puts on a sweater and stares out the window for a little while. The sun is still bright, and he can barely see through the shades, but he's pretty sure there are people wandering around outside.

He gets antsy around half an hour before he really has to leave, and decides to set out.


	2. Chapter 2

John stands outside the door of Dave's house for nearly three minutes before knocking, staring at the wood. It's not particularly spectacular. he thinks it might be mahogany. He's not entirely sure, though. The window in the door has all sorts of cool bubble designs in it. The house feels like it belongs to Dave, Jade, and Karkat: it's big, and weird, and it has a tower on it.

He's afraid of what he's going to find on the other side of the door.

He doesn't know what he should be expecting out of this encounter.

He feels a little faint -- no, that's not entirely from the whole friend thing, he's pretty sure he just doesn't get out enough, and he's a little bit... he stops himself before he can think anything particularly self-aware.

John knocks on the door.

He almost jumps when it opens, and there's a person on the other side -- Tall, bushy-haired, and blocking the light. He knows who it is immediately and tries to smile.

"Oh -- uh, hey Jade," John says, looking up, god, why is she so tall? Logically, he knows it's only a few inches of difference between the two of them, but the bushy hair and the ears give her almost a foot of fake-height-ness.

"Hey!!" She grins, all big dog teeth lined up in front with oddly human molars, her eyes bright behind her glasses. "Hey, John's here!" she says, not looking away from his face.

John feels small for more reasons than just her size. he's not sure he wants people looking at him. He'd like to go home, all of a sudden, in a wash of emotion, standing in front of Jade. Jade is a big presence. Not-- not formidable, but powerful, and so is Karkat, at least from what he's met of Karkat, which admittedly isn't much, because he interacted with the guy like, twice in his life, but that's another reason why Karkat is scary, and even Dave he's only really hung out with a few times, all of those years ago, and really really he just doesn't want to do this. But these are also his friends. Jade is here. Jade is standing in the doorway with a cute sundress on, and sometime in John's moment of dizzying regret she had stepped back, revealing to him bright overhead lights, a warm, clean but untidy living room, and a gray-skinned person who doesn't exactly look familiar but at the same time looks so, so familiar to him.

And then Dave comes in from the kitchen, and, John just.

He steps inside.

He's not sure how he feels. he's standing in this living room, staring at Dave and Karkat, feeling like he's home and an alien all at once. Jade claps a hand on his shoulder and he jumps.

"Oh, sorry -- are you okay?"

"What? Yeah," John says, taken aback. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You flinched."

"Sorry. I just wasn't..." He doesn't finish his sentence, unsure of where it was going to start with. "So uh, hey, uh, how are you guys?"

"Living," Dave says, and, yeah, he's pretty.. he's pretty different, he's not sixteen anymore, he's not a photograph. He has lines near his mouth from smiling, maybe, and he's taller, and he's lost a little weight maybe? And Karkat, well, he's certainly gotten darker with the normal cycles of troll age, starting to look more or less like the trolls on TV, his eyes burning bright red. He takes a step further inside, feet on a cloud, staring just a little bit.

"You guys, uh, look different."

"No shit, sherlock, it's been like four fucking years," Dave says.

"You look sick," Karkat says, still scowley, still talking like he's upset all the time but much quieter. John realizes, suddenly, that these are not the people he knew, Karkat has mellowed, Dave hasn't yet launched into an endless diatribe, and Jade hasn't opted to hug him yet. He takes another step inside.

"In a good way?" John asks, a second after he thinks he should have.

"No, you look fucking malnourished, you idiot. Do you even eat?"

"I had some cheese earlier, so, yes," John says. "You actually interrupted that, so..."

"Don't act like it's our fault that you just eat earth human cattle enzymes and don't think to care for your fucking husk of a form." Karkat stands. he's, oh, taller too, not by a lot, but he still towers over Dave just as much and Dave is definitely, definitely taller than he was, which is. He's, well, karkat leaves the room, and John turns around to where Jade is still standing, no, she's leaning up against the door --

"So, uh. When did you decide to live with these guys, anyway?" John asks her.

"When I fell in love with them, duh," Jade says.

John feels a weight suddenly fall on his shoulders. In love. Everyone, just, he guesses that's how it has to be, right? In love, out of love, someone has to have this or that alien lover these days... Rose got married, and he feels like he's been outstripped by everyone else's normal, regular human choices. He feels like an intruder in this little household these three have created. "Ah," John says.

"Aw, John," Jade says, her ears twitching down, suddenly making her look half as intimidating. "No, come here." She spreads her arms.

He thinks, maybe, that it would be wrong to refuse.

He thinks, as he's engulfed in Jade's voluminous hair, her strong arms, that he missed this. Tentatively, he wraps his arms around her. Her hair is just as soft as he remembers. She runs her fingers through his hair, and he sighs.

"You're my favorite brother, you know that, right?" she says.

"m'your only brother," John mutters.

He feels her laugh, for just a moment, in her chest. The trail of her fingers through his hair makes his scalp tingle, in a way that is -- it's, he, he doesn't remember touch being this intense, and he simultaneously wants to stop and never wants it to stop, ever. She's breathing. He thinks that he needs to get a cat. Maybe. No. He can't take care of himself, let alone a cat.... poor thing, would probably die like a week into his adopting it. Simultaneously, he wants to go home, lock himself in his room (oh fuck, he remembers, he left the door to the patio open) and never come out again. Not til he's wasted away. Not til someone's banged down his door and found him half alive on the floor. No, he doesn't want that. No, he -- no, he. He. He wants to lean up against Jade's chest and cry. Instead, he just holds her tighter, for a moment, and then he lets go.

"I've got the appetizers, you get the goddamn-- no, we rehearsed this, no- Stop, stop it--" he hears, getting progressively louder, from the area past the living room, until Dave bursts in, carrying two enormous pitchers of some kind of golden piss-colored and fizzy liquid, in brilliant homage to their pre-sburb days, no doubt. And then Karkat, sulking up behind him, holding a big tray of cheese and crackers and sausage and cucumbers and carrots and some kind of insect, all laid out in beautiful floral designs. John stares at it for a minute, stepping back from Jade as she bounds across the room, her tail wagging behind her, leaving behind little flecks of white. She sits cross-legged next to the coffee table.

"Is it shedding season?" comes out of John's mouth, mostly without his consent.

"It's fucking June," Karkat says. "You missed my birthday, nooklicker."

"Oh, sorry," John says.

"It's always shedding season," Jade says, grinning again. God are her teeth weird. Fuck.

Dave just sits on the couch, no input, and starts cutting himself slices of what looks like an odd alternian version of munster. it's, like, bright green.

John sits down next to Dave on the couch and stares at the spread.

"What's this?"

"Appetizers, dude," Dave says, shoving an entire cracker into his mouth.

"Yeah, but if I eat much of this I won't have room for dinner."

"Really?" Dave is already cutting himself another slice of cheese. Karkat steals it from him as soon as it's cut and shoves it right into his mouth without getting a cracker. "Hey!"

"You're fucking underfed, idiot," Karkat says through his illegal mouthful.

"No I'm not!" John says. "I eat! I'm not dead, am I? I haven't even lost a lot of weight!"

"So what have you been up to, lately, John?" Jade interrupts, loudly, with a pointed glare at Karkat. "Do anything cool back in can town?"

"I uh, don't think it's called can town," John says. "It's just, kinda vaguely near can town. I don't live in the capital, you do know that, right?"

"I mean, you must visit."

"Not really. one time Jane surprised me, but like, we just had tea and talked. And she was at my house, not the other way around. I don't really do much. Play some videogames sometimes. Uh. Think about things?"

"That must be really boring, my bro," Dave says. "Have you been doing nothing for all four of the past four years?"

"Uh," John says, feeling rather absurd, knowing the answer is yes and not wanting to admit it. "I guess?"

"You're really fucking unhealthy, Egbert," Karkat says. "Eat some fucking sausage."

"I had some cheese earlier, I don't really want to have sausage."

"How about some apple cider?" Dave holds up the fizzy beverage.

"Is that what that is?"

"Yeah. It's like, real fucking alcoholic though."

"That's, uh, that's okay, I'm old enough to drink alcohol I think."

"Does that ever make you like, feel odd? That back on the world we grew up on we wouldn't be allowed to have this shit, but here we can totes like, do whatever the fuck we want?" Dave pours John a glass of cider as he talks. He looks so nonchalant.

"Not really, honestly," John says. "I mean, I was thirteen last time I thought about earth laws as something like, real."

"America laws," Jade says. "Not that I really drank much alcohol, I knew how to boil water. But like, when you gotta live on your own, you learn ways to make hydration safe, and that was one."

"Did you seriously consider drinking alcoholic beverages to stay hydrated at age like, less-than-thirteen, Jade?"

"It crossed my search engine, yeah."

"I don't really fucking get any of this but I'll tell you what, it's fucking jarring to know that I'm not going to die at any moment," Karkat says.

"Oh," John says, "Yeah, that must be weird."

They're quiet for a moment. John sips his cider, realizing that he probably shouldn't drink something 'really fucking alcoholic' if he's not going to eat or drink anything else. He puts it down and gets a cracker, nibbling on the edge.

"Oh, now he eats," Karkat says.

Jade slaps Karkat on the shoulder. "Stop it," she hisses. three

Jade has finished all the sausage while they were talking. Karkat crunches loudly on a beetle carapace. John stares at the cracker in his hands. It's dark out here, but they have the windows thrown wide open and it's brighter than it is at his house because they actually have the lights on. He thinks it might be giving him a headache. maybe it's the scolding, though, or the sip of alcohol. Dave is uncomfortably quiet. He doesn't know how he feels about all this, this whole thing, because he can't get a good feel for how Jade and Dave are feeling. Karkat seems worried. He wants to make a joke but finds himself in the frustrating spot of not really knowing what's an appropriate joke to make.

It's quiet.

John can hear the sound of Jade's tail swooshing across the rug like an overenthusiastic broken Roomba and loud crunching as Dave bites into another green-cheese covered cracker. John you been surreptitiously sips his cup of alcohol and realizes that he would legit rather have water right now, despite also kinda wanting to be drunk.

"So uh. How have you guys been?" John asks, trying hard to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

Karkat grumbles.

"Cool," Dave says. "Politics are going wild around here. there's some real shit going down. Some wild ass assery. Karkat has been trying to establish some sort of Danktuary but there's also like all the alternian laws about killing meet all the human laws about not killing and lemme tell ya dude, that shit's wild."

"Lusus habitat," Karkat says.

"Right. Basically a dads only zone. Something about overhunting, right dude? And Jade n' I spend a lotta time just, chilling in Human Town trying to find anything that isn't a statue of liberty from jpeg artifact hell. You have no idea how hard that is, it's hard up in this bitch. I've started recognizing the exact texture of specifically jpeg artifacted statue of liberty but it's still like, neverending. We did find a cool new sord though." He points to the wall above the weird, multigonal window. "Looks like someone ran caledscratch through a blender. Karkat doesn't like it but it's my hard earned work and it fucking belongs on my wall. Like. Look at that shit my dude. My man. I dug that up with my own 2 hands. I put in the work. It's the fucking shit."

"Dave, can we talk?" Karkat asks.

Dave looks at Karkat, jerkily.

"No, don't give me that, fucker. Come on." He drags Dave up and out of the room by an arm.

"So uh--" Jade says, interrupted by a loud indistinguishable sound from the other room. her ears flatten and she leans forward. "They get along usually, I promise," she whispers to John.

"I think maybe this was a bad idea," John says, swirling his fizzy beverage around in his glass. He's pretty sure the rim is gold-plated. No, positive. He isn't sure how to feel about that. Real gold-plated dinner sets. His dad had one, at one point, he's pretty sure it got broken in the game. Or maybe it's still in the cabinet. He feels like he's thought about this before, but time slips and slides past him these days. He's never truly sure about anything.

The shouting stops, and Karkat pokes his head in the room. "Set the table," he yells, and Jade's ears fwip back up.

"Fuck off," she sneers at him, but she gets up and follows him all the same.

John stares into his drink. This was a bad idea for sure. For definite. He pours about half his cup of cider into the plant next to the couch, hoping it won't kill it. Can alcohol kill plants? He's not even sure this is as alcoholic as Dave was saying. it doesn't taste like spirits or anything. he doesn't know much about alcohol, though.

He's starting to feel a little dizzy. It's unpleasant but also nothing he hasn't dealt with. He swallows.

He hears Karkat yell, this time clearly, from the other room.

"NO THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS, DAVE, WE AREN'T LIVING IN A FUCKING DRAMADY--"

It peters out.

John eyes the pitcher of cider. he takes a look at his glass. He makes a momentary assessment of the situation, pours another glass of cider, and chugs it.

It's not that bad, he decides. it's just fizzy apple cider.

He puts his glass down and forces himself to eat some green cheese. It makes him queasy to look at, but it tastes like cheddar and brie had a baby. or, it textures like that? he's not sure, but it's way more familiar than what he was expecting it to be. It still makes him feel vaguely sick, because food tends to, but it's okay.

The two humans here aren't the Dave or Jade he grew up with. jade has a weight on her shoulders he doesn't remember being there, in his timeline. he missed Karkat, though. At least he never knew Karkat well when he was younger. At least he can look at Dave and know that the stuff that went different for him isn't stuff John would have been able to see anyway. But Jade, Jade he will always remember as the sister from the starship, and that she will never remember about him.

"Table's set," Jade says, smiling, eyes wrinkled at the edges. She has canine canines, now. he remembers when they were dull.

He misses her. He misses her despite and also because she's right here. Unforgettable, and unforgettably different.

"Yeah, okay," he says, and stands up. he leaves his cup on the table and follows her out of the dining room.


	3. Chapter 3

 Dave is seated at the head of the table, hands folded, shades on, mouth a straight line. it's obviously designed to seat more than four, but today it seems that the space is filled with more dishes than they could eat-- perhaps to compensate. Especially for John, both because he doesn't think he can eat this much and because he's afraid he's not a presence they expected him to be. In a moment of trepidation he realizes that  _ he agreed to eat in front of people _ . That's what a dinner party is. He feels dumb. He feels so fucking stupid! Why did he agree to this??

There's a neat label sitting at the foot of the table, in a little label holder, reading, in what's clearly Jade's neat handwriting, "John." He appreciates the bubbly, swirly nature of her writing for a moment before realizing that's a place label, and he's supposed to sit down.

John sits down, fumbling the chair as he goes. He puts the cider glass down next to a water class and licks his lip. Dave folds his hands in front of him, crushing the tidy napkin formation sitting there. The napkins are red-striped. The walls are a cool, pale gray.

Karkat sits down on his left, and Jade joins shortly after, heaving a humongous chicken-like incarnation into the dining area and setting it in the one blank spot left in the middle of the table. John realizes, all of a sudden, that it has been years since he had turkey for dinner.

"You know, I'd never had turkey before!" Jade says. "I only tried a little bit of it, though. Being a dog means meaning to eat some meat sometimes."

"You're not special," Karkat says.

"Well neither are you," Jade replies lightly, smiling, taking out an enormous looking sawlike thing and leaning forward to cut the meat.

They pass around plates, Dave and Karkat taking a minute to bicker about foreign policy and the concept of Obama, Jade's tail swishing lightly here and there, slicing meat with her enormous meat carver. Turkey, vegetables, and potatoes are heaped onto John's plate before he can say anything. It's a smaller serving than the others have, but only, he thinks, because of a moment where he and Jade share a look, and maybe she thinks to go easy on him.

Jade is tall, confident, her hair braided back for dinner. Everyone is in t-shirts and jeans except John, and he feels stupid for thinking he had to dress up for this. They're all awkward with each other, but their awkwardness forms for itself a rhythm that works, that works  _ well _ for them. John doesn't eat immediately, even after Dave toasts to friendship, but cuts his turkey into perfect, square pieces.

"So now that we've established that John's life is boring," Karkat says, swallowing a mouthful of something mid sentence, "Can we also establish that this armchairm of a life form should be in our house more often? There is no way on this earth or any other earth or any other planet that this is less interesting than. What? Eating cheese by yourself on your fucking porch?"

"I don't know," John says. "I don't want to like, interrupt your thing."

"You're not interrupting a thing if you're invited, bro," Dave says.

"I don't know," John repeats, a worm of doubt that has definitely been there since he walked in the door growing in his gut. John laughs. "I don't really know why I'm here." He turns over a carefully cut piece of turkey and stares at the unseasoned edge. he knows they're looking at him. His stomach churns. Why did he agree to this? What masochistic corner of his brain decided this was the right choice to make?

To avoid talking, John sticks the piece of turkey into his mouth. It tastes delicious, but makes him nauseous anyway. Food tends to do that, but most of the food he eats these days doesn't taste like much of anything. It would be a nice break, if it didn't make him feel sick despite the flavor.

"I feel like you've been asking that all evening," Dave says, and John almost starts at the candidness. He finds himself meeting Dave's eyes as best as he can while Dave is still wearing his signature shades. He can almost see them, vividly colored the same as the rest of the Sburb players, only not unnerving because his are so similar.

"You're here because we wanna hang out with a cool ass bro, my man. You're the biggest, most powerful dork in the galaxy, and who wouldn't wanna dick down with that kinda masterpiece? Fuck yeah I wanna make a bigass meal with my best man n woman just so you can come over and stuff your face in my presence. Who wouldn't want that. That's the shit."

"You wanted me over because I'm a dork? If you wanted a dork you could have just looked in the mirror, Dave."

"Uh--"

"We wanted you over because we miss you, jackass," Jade says. "Like, it's weird not having you around. Or, it hurts a little. I don't know if that -- I don't know how you feel all alone in your house, but I can't imagine it feels that good for you, either."

Karkat glances at John, but remains quiet.

John realizes, in a moment, that he's missed this too. Or maybe, he had been realizing it. He's missed this in a way that is simultaneously unavoidable and overwhelming, and he feels as if his chest has been wrenched open. He feels like he might drown under the weight of his emotions. Mostly, he feels small, at this table, with three living, breathing beings who are at least pretending that they care. he feels lonelier than he has ever felt. It’s a warm feeling but only in the way embarrassment is, a little bit nauseating. 

"I..." He swallows, trying desperately not to cry, or throw up. He can't cry in front of Dave. That would be a fiastastrophe. "I don't really belong to like... I'm the wrong one. The wrong John, yeah? Things went different for you. Your John is dead, and I'm not him. I don't belong  _ here _ , yeah? I'm an alien, like not like Karkat but everyone but me and Rose-cat and Roxy are not from where I'm from on a really, really big scale. I've never really been a person who did things with people because there haven't really been people who stick around, and besides... I don't belong  _ here _ . It's  _ fundamentally _ the wrong universe."

"Then make yourself belong," Karkat says, finally breaking his uncharacteristic silence. He's learned to be quieter over the past few years, probably because he's learned that just because he can't hear himself doesn't mean others can't hear him. "I'm a fucking Alternian mutant. The universe looked me in the eyes and said that it wanted my corpse on its doorstep, but I fucking destroyed it instead and made a new goddamn universe. You were gonna die if you stayed in the territory you created so you fucking left that shitlicker to lick its own goddamn shit. That's what we do. We're Sgrub players."

"Yeah," John says, feeling hollow. "Yeah, I guess that's true."

He picks up his fork and knife and cuts his turkey slices in half again. Small. At this rate, he's going to digest these more with his fork than with his body. He forces himself to eat another one. it still tastes like turkey. he realizes that he has forgotten what so many earth foods taste like, having eaten basically nothing but oatmeal and cheese for the past few years. It tastes like gravy and salt and poultry and it reminds him of his dad. His dad has been dead for years and years. Remembering him almost doesn't hurt anymore, almost. It still feels weird, though.

"I missed you guys," he says, his voice smaller than he'd like, his eyes maybe just a little bit watery. He blinks at his turkey and potatoes. He looks up at Dave and Jade and Karkat.

"You don't have to," Jade says.

"We have a spare room," Karkat rumbles through a mouthful of that insecty casserole John didn't want to touch.

John considers this. He could stay here. He could live with these three, and bicker about wall decorations in the morning, and always eat at this dinner table, and let Jade nap on his chest on lazy Sunday mornings. Or maybe Dave or Karkat? God, he doesn't know. He doesn't even know if this Jade does that in this universe. he doesn't know if it's normal for men to cuddle these days. he doesn't know if it matters if things are normal or not, or what it means that he still cares about that. He doesn't know what it would mean for him and for them to be roommates if the three of them are lovers, which he's ninety-nine percent sure they are. He's not sure how that works, either, but he figures it's not his business. It could be, though. It might be.

"I don't know if that would work out," John says.

"Only one way to know, my good bitch," Dave replies.

John swallows.

"I guess so," he says.

he stares at anything but the faces of his friends.

Yeah.

 

Karkat relegates dessert to the couch. He and Dave argue loudly about this for what seems like an interminably long time, but finally the four of them are sitting on the couch eating containers of pudding and Tiramisu. John has already eaten more pudding cups than the entire net mass of the turkey he ate, just because packaged food registers more as food in his mind. Dave has already eaten half of the tiramisu by the time they reach the couch.

“You're a terrible fucking host, you absolute nookbiter,” Karkat hisses, probably trying to be quiet enough that John can't hear him, but he's failing rather spectacularly. He and Jade share a look, or they would have, if Jade wasn't digging through the box of mixed pudding flavors, looking for vanilla.

“I'm not trying to be a host, dipshit,” Dave says, considerably louder, and John thinks that maybe Dave didn't realize Karkat was whispering. John sits down next to Jade as she comes up victorious, pudding in hand, and scoots awkwardly to the left to avoid getting crushed by a mass of bushy hair and a stray shoulder. Karkat moves towards the TV, glaring at Dave, but Dave is cutting out servings of tiramisu now, completely engrossed. Karkat has popped some movie into the Blu-ray player, throwing the box onto the TV holding desk-bookshelf thingy. 

“What are we watching?” John asks. 

“Bee movie,” Karkat says. 

“What? DUDE! That's like the worst movie ever.”

“I disagree. It is, In fact, the protosocialist masterpiece it deserves to be recognized as. Not only is the plot about two people of different fucking species uniting in a beautiful and unbroken matespriteship, but it contains several solid fuck yous to society.”

John can hear the striderian influence in Karkat's voice, and he doesn't even try to avoid rolling his eyes. 

“Uh, it's a B-Movie. It's Bad.” John replies.

“That's what the late capitalist economy of earths B and A want you to see. It in fact contains a deep fucking message. We are watching this movie.” Karkat clicks play on the title screen, and the iconic first lines of the movie start playing in the background. 

“We should watch something actually good instead, like--” 

“Any of your shitty fucking dad movies? No fucking thank you.”

“John, it's not worth arguing with him. He has a point. Have some tiramisu.” 

Dave shoves a plate at John. 

John takes the plate and puts it down on the coffee table. 

“Is earth C's economy better than A and B? It didn't strike me that way.”

“Of course it is. I'm working on it. Not gonna let fucking Kankri take my place.”

“Is that what you want to be doing?”

“Hey,” Karkat says. “Not everything I do I do because I want to, unlike some chucklefucks.”

John feels like someone has kicked him in the chest. It must show up on his face because Karkat puts a hand on his shoulder and Jade shifts on his other side. 

“Shit, John, you know I didn't mean that fucking-- well, I did, but I'm not upset at you, this is stupid, we can watch a different fucking movie. Fuck.”

“Karkat...” John says, feeling overwhelmed in a way he can't communicate. He feels Jade's arms wrap around his waist. “The bee movie is fine.” His voice cracks. 

He reaches for his tiramisu. Karkat looks an odd proportion of confused and dejected. 

John realizes he doesn't actually like tiramisu about halfway through his plateful of it. He puts it back down on the coffee table and watches Barry B. Benson's antics for a little while.

“Karkat?” John says after a bit.

“Yeah?” 

John laughs. “I still kinda hate you, TBH. But it's more fun now.”

Karkat looks gruntled. 

“You know,” John says, and then he stops, losing traction, losing confidence, and Jade must notice because her arms tighten around him. Dave leans forward so he can see around Karkat, and the Bee movie plays in the background, undeterred.

John clears his throat and looks at the couch cushions. Jade lets up her hold a little and Dave gets himself comfortable, still looking at John. 

“You know.” Another pause, and John is sure he can hear crickets from the window. “I think I might be gay?”

Dave coughs on some nonexistant beverage, and then sits back and outright grins. It's a little eerie to see someone like Dave grin – he never emotes this strongly, and also he's wearing shades.

“What? You and Dave and your gods-fucking-damned human asscrack sexualities. Why. Who fucking cares. John, who even motherfucking cares.”

“Do you not like girls?” Jade asks. 

“No, I'm like, ninety-nine percent sure I like girls, I don't know, I think I just like bo-men too,” he takes a deep breath. He shouldn't… does it matter? Jade's his relative-- but, no, it doesn't matter, does it? He's always embarrassed by all of his crushes for different reasons, and since they didn't grow up together and they can't have kids, that's perhaps the silliest one.

“Do you like this?” Dave asks, and he grabs Karkat, shoving him back on the couch and mouth-kissing him. John watches as Karkat's angry face softens, mesmerized when his lips part and he sees just a little bit of someone's tongue, a flash of Karkat's trollish teeth. He thinks about the way Dave's stubble must rub against Karkat's face. Karkat grabs Dave by the shoulders and attacks him back, ferociously, lips against lips, skin against skin. 

John can feel his face grow warm.

“Hey, stop it, guys!” Jade says behind him. He can feel her ear flicking on his face.

“It's fine,” John says, a little breathlessly. 

Dave pulls back, looking victorious. John can't drag his eyes away from his puffy lips. Karkat just sits against the couch, looking punch drunk. Kiss drunk. John shifts. 

“You sure?” Jade whispers. 

“Yeah, I--” John leans forward, reaching up, hand sliding against the stubble of Dave's cheek, into the place where it turns from scruff to sideburns. Dave grins in a way that is totally eerie just because John hasn't seen him grin that way, and then Dave leans forward, and presses his lips against John's. 

John has no idea what to do. His heart flutters in his chest. Dave presses his face further forward, turning it to the side so their noses won't get as squashed, parting his lips a little. John moves his hand down the back of his neck. 

The bee movie plays on in the background. 

Dave pulls away. 

“You okay with tongue?” Dave asks. 

“I don't know, sure?” John says, breathless.

Dave is back against him all of a sudden, and he opens up his mouth. Dave's tongue feels all slimy. It takes a solid minute to adjust to the feeling. Dave's tongue still tastes like tiramisu, and it's a little gross, but he doesn't know if he minds. 

He's kissing Dave, oh my god. 

“You kiss like a dead fish,” Dave deadpans, pulling back. 

“I've never kissed before?” John squeaks. 

“Oh my god, John,” Jade says. 

John can feel his blush deepen. He stares at his knees, Jade's hands bound around his waist in his periphery. 

“We'll just have to teach you,” Dave says, his smile reduced from odd, manic leer to just old fashioned Dave smirk. 

“YES FUCK HIM UP!” Karkat yells behind him, engrossed with the TV. John doesn't really know anything about the Bee movie, but when he looks over, an adult man is chasing a bee. He's really confused about what Karkat sees in this movie. He looks back at Dave instead. 

“Trust me,” Jade whispers. “We usually do something else while Karkat watches movies.”

John nods slowly. 

“More tiramisu?” Dave asks.

“Oh- No, thank you.”

“Damn. I was hoping that Tiramisu would convince you to live with us.”

“Uh, no,” John says. “But I.”

He pauses, licking his lips tasting Dave's saliva there, the weight of the emotions coming back down on top of him. It has been…. A Long day.

“I think I might try it anyway? Tiramisu aside.”

Karkat yells something in Alternian, probably at the movie and not John's statement.

He can feel Jade grin. 

 

It only takes a couple of weeks for John to make an actual decision on the matter, and then he piles everything he cares about into his sylladex and makes the DaveJadeKat house his home. Dave is doing the dishes and Karkat is lounging on the couch playing a videogame when John pushes in the door, his arms full of books that didn't quite fit in his operandus. Karkat doesn't even look up, but Dave calls out from the kitchen in raspy Texan drawl he seems to only use around the members of this household.

"Hey is that John Boy? Finally back? Not running away? Moving his ass in? Settling down and having kids with the family of n+1 alien subs?"

"Where's Jade?" John asks, ignoring the silly tirade.

"Garden," Dave says. "The back one."

John thumps up the stairs, dumps his entire sylladex contents on his unmade bed, and climbs out the window open onto the twilit backyard. He and Jade always end up compromising with the Alternian schedule by waking up before sundown and getting their vitamin D then. Dave just takes a pill. John thinks Dave is a little unhealthy, but he's not one to talk, so he only brings it up when he's up for an argument.

"John!" Jade says, looking up as his breeze hits her, ruffling her hair. "The Pak Choi is sprouting."

"Oh cool!" John says. "I got all my stuff."

"I figured as much, seeing as you're here."

John lands on the ground like an overpowered feather on the opposite side of the raised bed Jade is weeding and studies her face in the pale evening light. She's smiling, the sun making her face glow and her eyes shimmer. Wow. He has no idea what to say, so he just kneels down next to her and starts to help her with the weeding.

Jade talks about everything, but mostly Dave and Karkat. He watches her lips, soft and round, or her calloused hands digging up little baby maples and tamping down the earth where their roots used to grow. She's his Jade, now. Not the way the Jade he knew was, there are differences, but he's slowly becoming accustomed.

John thinks that maybe he can get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's that! Hope you enjoyed!!  
> Thanks for reading!!!


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